Really? Already. Was hoping to delay the new year a bit longer.
I’ve made no resolutions. I would like to be better at everything this year and that kind of karma request isn’t really fair or specific enough for all the little karma fairies who make sure what goes around comes around.
The year creeped into my world without any amount of fanfare or excitement. We watched the original Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on Netflix. We paid too much money for a so-so lunch at a farm-to-fork restaurant in downtown Charlotte. The service was appalling, though the hostess was managing the rotation of cattle, I mean people, like the pro she apparently is. It’s too bad our waitress was a bitch. And not good. At all.
We did get some much needed down time as a couple. There was no fighting, nitpicking, nagging or marital disputes. Me and The Candyman oozed The Love.
However, there have been things, little poking sharp things, at the base of my skull that are creeping into my frontal lobe now that the holidays are over.
These sharp things are things that I don’t want to think or talk about, like at all.
- Congress voted to extend unemployment insurance for 2 more months. Yippee! for 2 more months! And then what if there are no more extensions? Options include:
- Finding a part-time and/or minimum wage job doing…what exactly? Exactly what am I over-qualified for in that regard? What am I physically capable of doing (my knee and my back aren’t always healthy and let’s be honest, I’m no spring chicken)?
- Working in marketing for The Candyman to help him and his firm. But my husband would be my boss and I hear the pay isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
- Find myself a dark, empty corner somewhere, curl up in it and await December 22, 2012, when the world blows up.
- December 22, 2012. The Mayans have been kind of spot on for like, the last billion years, right?
- Having enough faith in myself to accomplish, oh anything.
- The gelatinous look of my thighs.
- Wondering whether or not the fact that I have been unemployed for a year totally discounts me as any kind of true applicant to any job whatsoever.
- Becoming a permanent stay-at-home wife with no kids, which most people might just call lazy. Or stupid. Or unmotivated. Or [insert your insult here].
- Figuring out my delinquent North Carolina State Sales & Use tax, of which I had NO IDEA I was supposed to file. Or how to file. Or when to file.
- Our 2011 taxes. Fuck. Someone just shoot me now.
The Candyman does a good job of deflecting these worries of mine. Sometimes I think he’s too good at it. He’s not the kind to wear rose-colored glasses, but his view of success and failure is WAY different than mine. Our life perspectives are spectrum opposites. My checking account balance is a constant state of worry. For him, his balance is the highest its ever been on a regular basis in his whole life. Boom. Perspective.
Sometimes I just want to give Perspective the big, fat finger because I simply want some money in my damn checking account. Money that I earned by doing things I’m really good at that apparently no one thinks I’m really good at anymore. I was great when I was employed. Now what? I suck because some Douchebag1 ran my company into the ground?
But being bitter won’t help. Granted, I’m getting really good at being so and I’ve always heard you should do what you’re good at. Hm. Maybe I’m missing some new employment opportunity here…..
So I’m going to try to shoot myself up with a syringe filled with New Year Hopefulness. I’m looking for a vein, looking for a vein….
Some things I’m potentially not bitter about. Yet.
- Attacking the big bag of vintage lace my aunt gave me. A lot of it is hand made, antique (not just vintage, but truly over 100 years old) and simply divine.
- The January issue of Carolina Bride, that TruLu Couture is supposed to be featured in. Or have a picture in. Whatever.
- An email back from the mom who wants to purchase The Emma Veil for her daughter. This mamma could use the sale.
- America’s Mart in Atlanta next week. I’m going to network, keep abreast of the décor market and try to convince someone to hire me. OK, I’m not really looking forward to this as it might just depress the hell out of me, but I’m attempting optimism.
- The new season of American Idol. Shut up. This girl needs a weekly Steven Tyler fix.
Then there are a few things I’m considering.
- A new blog. Thinking totally anon so I can swear and shout and stomp my feet without reservation. I guess mentioning the fact that I want to write privately on a public forum isn’t exactly smart. But you know, I’m thinking about it.
- I think about THIS blog all the time and what it exactly means. Is it important at all? If it went away, would the world mourn one less blogger/wedding resource? Me thinks not so much.
- Dropping the blog, TLC and everything creative in my life and simply looking for a full-time job that has a 401K and health care. Period.
- Pour everything I am into TLC and drop everything else like a hot potato. Solid focus on the ultimate creative effort. That means less blogging, less looking for a full-time gig, more of a world filled with vintage lace.
- Getting knocked-up, just for shits and giggles.
See. All kinds of poking sharp things. No happy-happy-joy-joy (God, I miss Ren & Stimpy) posts about starting fresh and being positive and all that. I’m still my same snarky self, come 2012 or high water.
How’s YOUR New Year shaping up?
1For the record, I totally won the internal battle not to link to a YouTube video I found of said Douchebag from 2009 spouting some bullshit about how the company was poised to dedicate itself to the particular market he was being taped for. We pulled out of that market less than 6 months later.