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I’m Louise. Blogger. Wife. Designer of TruLu Couture Veils + Accessories.  If you’d like to know more, check out my bio.

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Entries in Mental Health (2)

Wednesday
May022012

My Dirty Little Secret

Today's post comes from our lady across the pond. Most of you #NoseyBitches (follow on Twitter, it's a hoot!) will know her as Anna, from Anna and The Ring. She's migrated to a fabulous new site, Far From the Wedding Crowd. Check it out for awesome weddingness. Anna's wedding journey closely mirrored my own in time frame and often times, WPMs (Wedding Planning Meltdown). Sometimes I feel like Anna is the British version of me. It makes me happy to know that somewhere, a version of me might have a lovely British accent.

Please welcome Anna and her Dirty Little Secret.

 

Once upon a time I was a happy and healthy child.

Then the chubbiness came. Nothing unusual. I was normal, albeit slightly introverted. Books fascinated me more than people yet I still loved being around people.

Then came 14 and a skiing accident. I remember there was ice and then my knee twisting in a strange direction and I guess happiness stopped.

The appetite remained sadly without the exercise. I continued to play some sports but I was never as fast or confident. I became my true introverted self.

I ballooned and have kept on ballooning since that day.

My body should be able to do amazing things. I should be able to scale rock faces and I should be able to run a marathon and I should be able to wear a dress without Spanx. (And yes I know should is a desperately dangerous word.)

It's so shameful to admit to myself that I am obese, yet to admit it to people who already see I am is even more soul destroying.

Of course I would love to be different. How I wish I were the size I was meant to be. How I wish I could wear the clothes I swoon about. Hence my shoe obsession. I shall never wear the pretty clothes. I shall never be anyone's best friend?

And yet never is a strong word. I guess all these things are actually possible but would you like to know my dirty little secret. A secret I really don't want to share but know that if I do share it might make me realise I'm an idiot. An idiot that can change her life.

Ok. deep breath.

Here's my secret.

There is a significant part of me (well of course it would be significant I have my own gravity!) which wants to stay on the large side.

There is a safety to being overweight. All of life's disappointments can explained away. People don't like me because I am fat. No-one will ever ask me to be a bridesmaid, but that's okay! It's just because I'm
hideous. Who would want to spoil their photographs with me. I hardly wanted to be in my own wedding album. I know I would judge me. I mean who really wants to eat supper sitting across from me? Boys didn't like me when I was younger because was large. Yes boys are shallow and I am happily married now but man, that hurt when I was younger. Young girls please note, sleeping around is not the root of all happiness.

Perhaps I am an intensely dislikeable person. How does one know whether they are a good egg? I think I have the capacity to be a very good friend, but how does one judge whether they are actually a good
friend? Does size preclude me from forming intense friendships? Will I always be the acquaintance? Does my weight imply I am a bad person?

My favourite quotation implies that I know the answer.

What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.”

Leo Tolstoy

 

Perhaps, deep down, I know it is me? If I remove my weighty armour I will still be the same "unpopular" person?

Life is short and yet I am consumed by such thoughts and perhaps fallacies?

Is it the height of self indulgence or is it a pervasive evil thread that is destroying my life?

Should I be brave and force myself into my trainers? Will I magically become a better person or is that decent woman already there? Could changing my shape really change my mind?

 Anna, you've already been told how fabulous this picture is, and I know you aren't a fan of it for whatever reason, but trust me when I say THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

 

 

 

Thursday
Nov172011

Cast Your Vote for Crazy!

A dear friend of mine requested this post and I am obliging because I believe….

A while back, I wrote a post on mental illness and a theater program called Erasing the Distance. You can find that original post here. It’s a long post so I’ll summarize here:

Erasing the Distance, a theatre company in Chicago, uses the power of performance to disarm stigma, spark dialogue, educate and promote healing surrounding issues of mental health. The company collects the true stories from people whose lives have been affected by mental health issues.  The group then crafts these stories into theatrical pieces which they then perform for schools, faith groups, community organizations, and the general public. After the performances, they hold discussions so the audience can create dialogues in a safe forum.

The point is that this is an incredible charity organization that sheds light on mental health issues through theatre. ETD was founded in 2005 and has been seen by over 26,000 people! The organization is in the running to win a HUGE grant through Chase Community Giving. Chase is giving 100 small charities over $3M in grants, and your vote will help decide which one!

When my friend asked for my help in soliciting votes, she included several links to several other blog posts doing the same thing. One of these posts particularly resonated with me as the title made me laugh: If I’m Crazy, Do I Get More Clicks? The post made me think. She has a point. Many of us in the blog world eventually get to the point where we can write about our troubles. Not the kind of troubles like budgets or RSVP’s or in-season flowers. I mean serious troubles. Some of my favorite wedding bloggers have touched on the subject of mental health on more than one occasion.  I’ve written about my own body image issues and eating disorder before mostly because after a while, you feel safe on your blog. You feel compelled to share, to help through your own personal experiences. To work your shit out through the process of writing and self-examination. You draw strength from the sharing and receiving feedback from followers. That’s empowering on a certain level.

Sadly, not everyone has that same outlet; no safe place to discuss. Erasing the Distance provides that safe place for a lot of people. No judgment. No blame. I think that’s a good thing.

So I’m going to ask y’all to help them win this grant. All you have to do is click a few links and you’re done.

First, click on the button below. It will take you to the voting page for Erase the Distance. Before you can cast your vote, you have to hit the “Like” button at the top of the page for Chase Community Giving. Then cast your vote for Erasing the Distance. As an extra favor for me, link it on your Facebook page and ask your friends to help too. Tweet it. Blog it. Share it anyway you can.

chasegiving_support_us

Erasing the Distance has made it into the Top 100 and there are only FIVE DAYS left to vote, so PLEASE help this amazing charity and vote today!

Thanks, y’all!