Let’s catch up, OK?
I’m back from China.
And I even have a teeny bit of wedding stuff. Check it…
I went out to dinner one night in Hong Kong and I walked through the wedding district and found a gown that only the very cruelest of brides would make their ladies wear. But then again, everything is fair game in The Orient.
Sequined patchwork chiffon anyone?
Bowtiful Bridal Barbie
Later that night we visited OZONE, the highest bar in the world. It’s located on the 118th floor of the Ritz-Carlton in Hong Kong. Talk about fancy-pants. Holy-mother-effing rich bitches, people! My miniscule champagne cocktail cost HK$298, the equivalent of about US$42. It’s all about the views, apparently.
OH! And right outside the Most Elitist Bar on Earth? The Most Giantist Diamond on Earth. Check THIS out:
That’s right. You are reading that correctly. Pick your jaws up off your keyboards.
So, before I left to go overseas for two weeks, I thought I’d FINALLY get one of those expensive shellac style manicures to last me the duration. Be warned ladies, they don’t always “take.” Mine lasted less than 24 hours.
I’m still contemplating going back to the shithole that performed this monstrosity and demanding my money back. Doubtful it will do any good, even with pictures as proof, but whatever.
So when I got to Hong Kong, I was a hot mess - physically. I had God-awful cramps, my lower back was thrashed from the 28 hours it took me to get there. I also had a wicked pinched nerve starting from my lower right shoulder, traveling up under my right ear. I was considering a massage, but my boss said, “No! Let’s go get fire cupped!”
Not familiar with fire cupping? Here’s a great description of the process. Basically, it’s a Chinese homeopathic treatment, similar in style to acupuncture. I’d always wanted to try it, so figured, “Why the hell not!” I could barely walk to the place, I was in such pain. I laid down on the table and some little Chinese lady started working my back like nobody’s business. She massaged my aching muscles with her teeny tiny little fingers, and I swear she she could pin-point each little aching nerve. After about 25 minutes, I heard another lady come in with a bucket full of glass. I knew it was The Cupping Lady. I could hear her lighting the alcohol soaked cotton and the “whoosh” of the ignition into the glass cup. She started with just one, creating a suction on my back and running it along my shoulders, and down the sides of my spine. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. It hurt, but felt incredibly good at the same time. A painful release, perhaps? My boss had just finished up her treatment and walked in to see how I was doing. She snapped a few photos for me.
Yes, that’s my skin bubbled up in there. The heat in the cups sucks the the skin and blood up into the cups. The suction is insane. I could seriously feel some sort of pull all the way inside my chest. It was amazeballs. And a little scary.
After about 15 or 20 minutes, they come and slide a finger around the edge of each cup and magically, it just pops off! Cray-zee. Much like a long-ass-deep-tissue massage, I was totally woozy afterwards. They gave us hot water to drink and told us to drink lots of water that night. I ambled back to the hotel, somewhat disoriented in my new-found physical bliss. I felt amazing. The pinch in my shoulder? Gone. Cramps? What cramps? My lower back was a non-issue. The aftermath was a little gruesome though.
Bruises. Big, nasty, deep bruises. The cupping lady indicated to me that the worse the bruise, the more “toxins” in that area. Note that GIANT bruise on my right shoulder where I had my pinched nerve. Makes sense, right? Even if it was all bullshit, I wasn’t in any pain and that was fine by me.
I celebrated soon after with one of my favorite Chinese dishes, Chairman Mao’s Pork. Super yum and of course, totally low-cal!
Other than those mini-outings, I had very little time for shenanigans. The new company I work for has shorter trips, but no days off while I’m there. Yes, a bit of a bummer, but I get home quicker and after being home (and by “home” I mean “unemployed”) with The Candyman for such a long stretch? Oh, I missed him horribly on this trip!
So there’s a quick update for you. The house is still work in progress. There is one box left to be unpacked and it’s in the studio, which is a disaster area. It’s the project for next weekend, for sure. I did buy some super-cute beaded collars from a fabric shop in mainland China. I’ll write about those when I can uncover them from the pile o’ lace that is my studio.
Have you missed me? Even a little bit?
Just lie and tell me you did.