What happens when…..
What happens when you’re on the precipice of all of it?
The Candyman and I have been in the process of buying a house. Have any of you done this since the ‘crash?’ I bought my first house in 2005. They checked my credit score. I had to offer up my social security number, some bank account numbers. No biggie.
Now? NOW? My loan application was 47 pages. And they still need more information; copies of banks statements, a letter explaining my period of unemployment, copies of our taxes for the last two years, 401K investment documentation. Holy Christ, I feel like I need to offer up my ovaries in a goddamn Petri dish. I feel slightly invaded.
But we’re approved. It’s all good and the house is under contract. We had the inspection and there was some stuff. Serious stuff. And we worried. But the ‘fix it’ list was accepted and we’re supposed to close in 13 days.
And believe me when I tell you that I’ll be sharing the shit out of the house when all is said and done, but right now, I’m hard-core rockin’ the karma vibe.
Like, if I share all my excitement about the possibilities of this house, we won’t get it. The loan will flop. The sellers will decide not to retire. I will for sure jinx it. In fact, typing these words could be the very thing that destroys the whole deal.
Yes, it feels exactly like that.
But then, there’s this whole other part of buying this house that we need to move forward with, assuming the whole thing goes exactly as planned. These other things include choosing granite, sinks, wall colors, trim colors, hardwood floor colors.
Holy shit. Do you know how many kinds and colors of granite there are? Do you knowhow expensive some of it is? Again, I say: Holy shit.
But it’s fun. The Candyman and I both like the Sesame Gold. We both like it with paint color Almond Oil. And we haven’t even seen any floor color samples. What kind of grain will that be? Toasted Brazilian Nut? Oaked Walnut? Oh, the color possibilities of wheats, whey and nuts!
Light fixtures. Mirrors. Plumbers, painters, electricians.
Mi pintor habla español y sólo hablan Inglés.
It’s terrifying. And exciting. We’re standing on the edge of getting a huge chunk of what we want out of life. This house checks off several little boxes on the “life fantasy” list of T30SB and The Candyman.
I know that a house is a house is a house and it’s not the answer or the dream. However, when things go well in life, it’s hard not to go in that dreamy direction.
So we’re standing on the edge of this precipice, The Candyman and I. I feel like we’re on the edge of a ravine, digging our heels into the sliding dirt and rocks. We’re holding hands, about to push off together. I know we’ll make it across. We may land unscathed. I think we might both land a bit splayed and dusty. But we’ll land and climb together. It’ll be fun.
Or we might kill each other in the process. We’ll see.
This couch may or may not have anything to do with things that may or may not be having to do with a house we may or may not be purchasing. Imagine it in a crushed dove-gray velvet. Can you see it? I can.