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Sunday
Jun242012

Fifty Shades of Suck

Yeah, I’ll admit it. I’m reading the Fifty Shades series. I’m on the third book and it blows just as hard as the first two did.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I continue to read a crappy books when we both know (me and the book) that the ending isn’t going to be worth the time spent.  I read Atlas Shrugged and Anna Karenina because I felt I must. Some say genius, I say Karenina stole a summer I could have been reading Joan Collins numbers by the beach instead of trying to figure out why that dude thought Anna was all that.

I read the Twilight series with the same sort of approach as I’m taking with Fifty. I inhaled those books. I read them constantly, because ohmygodwhatshappeningwithEdward?

In fact, Fifty Shade of Stupid is just like Twilight (in terms of emotionally stunted pubescents jumping into bizarre, sexually charged relationships with dudes who have some serious issues) but with just a lot more graphic sex.

And the graphic sex would be pretty good reading if they weren’t sexing it up every other fucking second. I mean, come ON, people. No one has that much sex. Unless perhaps it’s your job. And then, well… I think there might be bigger issues if that’s the case.

Anyway, there it is. I’m reading it. So the book and it’s “Mommy Porn” hysteria came up at a dinner the other night. The group is not a close one. It was an uncomfortable topic until one of the women at the table (someone I’d only just met) passes me her phone and says, “Here. Read this.”

Enjoy.

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Reader Comments (5)

I read them too, with the same reaction. I kept hoping it would get better and it never did. Meanwhile the author and publisher are making big bucks off of our wasted time. :(

June 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMom

Oh my god, thank you for that. I just laughed so hard, I cried, and then I had to explain to Bob the Builder what the hell was so funny. I haven't read them yet, not sure if I will. But that essay was hilarious.
I think everyone should just go buy Little Birds by Anais Nin. Quality lady-porn literature.

June 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

That's hysterically funny. Thank you!

June 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterindependent clause

Oh, wow. I cracked up at the balls dropping in that link. I haven't read this set, but it sounds an awful lot like the terrible Anne Rampling/Anne Rice "Beauty" series, with worse grammar and less plot. I'd rather have real sex and read a good book, separately.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Amen, sista.

June 30, 2012 | Registered CommenterLouise

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