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Tuesday
Jan172012

Your Wedding Might Be Boring

It’s true. There are people, regardless of what you do will be so over your weddings before you even walk down the aisle. As a single gal well into her thirties, I used to abhor weddings. Naturally I would be excited for the friend getting hitched, happy they’d found love, blah, blah, blah. But there would be things that I knew I’d be hating.

  • The vegetarian option. I was a vegetarian, then pescatarian for the majority of the 90’s. Let me just say this: pasta primavera served en masse is NEVER GOOD. EVER. It’s like eating glue with broccoli florets.
  • The seating chart. Woe is the single gal when it comes to the seating chart. You get screwed, period.
  • The Bouquet Toss. God, I’d be sitting on the edge of my seat just waiting for the moment when I could bolt to the bathroom to avoid the bouquet toss. Yeah, because there’s nothing quite like standing with a bunch of 9 year olds, an 87 year old widow and the lone single mom waiting to catch a stupid ass bouquet in the hope of…..what was that supposed to be again? The next to get married? Yeah, I had no interest in being married, thanks. I actually had a bride (yes, you Abby) call me out over the PA once when I was hiding out back with all the smokers. Lame.

The reality is that not everyone will have fun at your wedding. I know my wedding wasn’t the most fun wedding. I know this because I’ve been to really,  really fun weddings and mine wasn’t one of them. There wasn’t a whole lot of dancing. Folks left relatively early. I got an eye roll from an 11 year old. Meh. It happens. I could tell my friends were there to support me, but that they weren’t getting their jiggy on. And that’s ok. I do wish it had been more of a party atmosphere, but I think for that to happen, more alcohol would have been involved and then I’d have been worried. The Candyman and I both have family members who we prefer remain sober at all times.

Even though I recognized that my guests were basically just chillin’ out, it didn’t affect my good time. I loved dancing in my gown. I loved that my guests were there; they bit the bullet and spent the money and came to support me. I watered and fed them and gave them snacks and did the best I could to make them comfortable and happy and make the whole process as easy as possible. I did this because I appreciated VERY much when it was done for me. I appreciated the fact that I was sat at the same table as that hot cousin, though the 94 year old grandma got put between us and we both spent the majority of the evening giving her a play by play of the reception because she was too stooped to see and too deaf to hear. I appreciated the OOT goodies in my room, the shuttle buses and the no-bouquet toss weddings.

So, be prepared for folks not to have fun. Know that you will not please everyone with your wedding. You simply cannot take on that responsibility. Do what you can en masse and then let it go. You can’t force people to have a good time. 

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Clearly, she’d had quite enough.

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“Bitch, don’t be shushing me.”

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Leaving the questionable photo editing aside, you gotta love how these tweens are just miserable all around.

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I see  anger management classes in this child’s future.

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Aw.

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Just another reason to consider a child-free wedding.

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The multiple uses of a ring pillow.

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Who can scream louder? I know who gets my vote.

So plan the party YOU want while considering your guests, of course. As a Southerner, I’ve been taught that you must consider your guests and plan accordingly. However, as a good Southerner I’ve also been taught that it’s just good manners to show up, dance, eat, smile, praise the hostess and in a pinch,  join the 9 year olds for the bouquet toss.  Just make sure you take those bitches down.

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Reader Comments (6)

Dude, what if your friends had more fun at your wedding than you did? We were glad to be all married-like, but I'm afraid it was too stressful for me to have fun. There was some small periods of intense joy and some hilarity, which was nice, but that was about it.

However, I'd like to shout an amen to the Southern guest's guide to weddings. It's your duty to show up, eat, drink, behave yourself more or less, and look like you're having fun. And if you're miserable don't tell a fucking soul until when you can dish all about it to a friend completely unrelated to the aforsaid wedding.

January 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterindependent clause

Clause, I've been to one of those weddings, where the bride is a wreck but the guests are killing it. I tried dragging the bride onto the dance floor to join in our hijinks, but nothing could sway her. We kept on drinking and had a ball. It was our duty.

And agreed. If you're going to bitch, do so much later and out of bride earshot.

January 17, 2012 | Registered CommenterLouise

Kids are the stars in this post. lol

January 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTina @ Wedding Favors

This is SUCH a good reality check. But I think that people having a good time and people having a bad time are both kind of out of your control! One of the nicest things I heard about our wedding came from two people who told me separately, "I've been pretty much hating weddings lately, but yours was actually fun!" This made me SO happy. But it has as much to do with other people being willing to get out on the dance floor, and free flowing alcohol, as anything we did to make it fun. On the other hand, my mom, who was instrumental in planning the whole thing and really deserved to enjoy it, started getting sick during dinner and had an awful night...that was unexpected and unfortunate. Sometimes there's nothing you can do.

January 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmXK

Dude. If you're going to have kids at your wedding, you HAVE to remember that the kids are guests, too, and not just the unwelcome appendages of their parents. It's super easy to make sure there are things that kids like: (1) candy, (2) cheap party trinkets from the party store, (3) cake, (4) JUICE BOXES, (5) a kid's menu (most caterers offer a kids' menu option, and it's usually a LOT cheaper than the adult meals, just sayin'), and (6) their own table. If you plan a little something to keep the kids happy, their parents are happy because they can relax.

Also, if you have one single friend and a bunch of little girls, be a dear and skip the bouquet toss. Your friend will still be your friend after the wedding. :D

January 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Sarah - Here! Here! I did the same ; made sure there fun things for them to have on their own. Candy and movies and babysitters.

January 20, 2012 | Registered CommenterLouise

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