41.
Monday, August 8, 2011 at 7:36AM
Louise in Blog Fun, Introspective, Life

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Holy shit. Are you telling me that a year has passed since I wrote about turning 40? You know, I remember being in the 7th grade and just agonizing over how long the year was taking…I wanted to be an 8th grader so badly! It felt like the longest year in all of time. Now, the time just slips on by. How does that happen? Time is time, neither fast nor slow, but somehow it seems to pass so much more quickly these days. I’m sure there’s a metaphor there for enjoying life moment by moment, but I’m too sodium-bloated from the pizza The Candyman and I had last night to think of one.

I do think I’ve been in a bit of denial about my age this past year. I don’t offer up my age as readily as I used to. I’m too self-critical to believe I might look good for 41, as I think I might be starting to look my age. However, I know from history that when I look back at old photos of myself at 16, 25, 35 I always think, “What the hell was I thinking? I looked GOOD!” I’m trying to remember that now, so that I can feel positive and know that when I look back on myself in 15 years I’ll keep thinking, “Damn, I looked GOOD!” instead of “What was I thinking?”

I am still trying to wrap my brain around some of the physical changes of growing older. My wrinkles are more plentiful. Things sag. It sucks balls. That part of growing older blows, I won’t lie. I’m still trying to come to terms with it. There used to be times when I would pass a group of men and literally feel them staring at me as I walked passed, my eyes front for fear of the male group dynamic kicking in should one of them catcall or comment. Now, I sail on by without a hitch. I’m smart enough to know that I don’t look like I used to, that I’m no longer the thing that turns heads or encourage whistles. What I also know is that very few men now consider me a thing, but a woman - one you probably don’t want to fuck with in regards to impolite male behavior.

The good stuff is that I know I‘m growing wiser. I’m still unsure of myself. I’m still a little on the crazy side. I still feel slightly neurotic at times. At least I know these things about myself – I’m not walking around in a self-absorbed cloud like I did in my twenties and for a good chunk of my thirties. 

I’m not going to wax poetic here like I did when I turned 40. No need. The deed has been done. It’s just another year. However, there are a few things I’m happy for and want to share:

PAST

1. I am SO happy I never got a tattoo.

2. I am SO happy I didn’t pierce my tongue when I was 25 and seriously considering it.

3. I am SO happy I didn’t marry the first guy who asked.

4. I am SO happy I left LA in 1998, not a moment too soon.

5. I am SO happy that I never got arrested (though there were plenty of times I should have been).

PRESENT

1. I am SO happy that I married the man of my dreams.

2. I am SO happy that we live closer to our families.

3. I am SO happy that Botox exists.

4. I am SO happy that I am doing what I love to do (challenging as it may be).

5. I am SO happy that despite a few pitfalls, I have thus far lived a charmed life.

I still get a little nervous sharing my age here, for fear of being judged an old lady. The truth is though, those judging me based on my age will most likely be young. And foolish. I relish in the knowledge that one day, they too will be 40, and then 41 and will look back on their thoughts and comments with (hopefully) the same wisdom of “What was I thinking?” that I have now. I mean, growing wiser is the probably best remedy for boobs that have lost their perk. Trust me on this one. Winking smile

Article originally appeared on The Thirty-Something Bride Wedding Blog (http://thethirtysomethingbride.com/).
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