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I’m Louise. Blogger. Wife. Designer of TruLu Couture Veils + Accessories.  If you’d like to know more, check out my bio.

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Friday
Jun112010

"I Like the Shape of Your Face"

 

 

God, it is so weird to think that The Candyman and I got married exactly 8 months ago today. Time has simply flown by. I'll bet I'll be saying the same thing 8 years from now too!

I realized this fact early this morning before I'd even finished my first cuppa joe. I mentioned it to The Candyman and he wished me a happy 8 month-a-versary and was out the door. We used to celebrate month-a-versaries in the first year we dated, in just a goofy sort of way.

It got me to thinking about the early days with The Candyman and how we met. We aren't one of those couples who met when we were teenagers, or even young adults. We met when we were full blown grown-ups. We've only been together a total of 3+ years. Sometimes I wonder if that's good or bad. Generally, I think it's good. We know who we are. We know what we want. We sowed whatever oats needed sowing and know that the best of the best is who we wake up next to every morning. That in and of itself is the best feeling ever. I mean, I dated a lot. The Candyman was a serial monogamist. I could rarely get past a first date. We were polar opposites in that regard.

The Candyman used to cringe when people asked us how we met. We met on Match.com. We did. It's true. And I totally picked him up. I had joined the site mostly because I wanted to weed out men who had issues with me traveling all the damn time. It was hard for me. I mean, I'd get home from being gone for a month. It would take me a week or two to return to the social scene, meet someone, go out on a few dates over the next few weeks and then here comes another month long trip. You're not exactly at the point where you can say, "Hey, I'm interested in you. Do you mind keeping your dick to yourself for the next four weeks so we can pick up where we left off when I get back?" I'm an old-fashioned kinda girl and just couldn't casually date someone without sort of defining it, so I would just stop dating the guy. It was way easier than a potentially uncomfortable conversation.

So, I went on Match and just put it out there. Here's was my profile:

I've read a lot of profiles on this website and I've learned a few things: people love to laugh. They like going out, but they like staying in too, especially with good books by the fire on dreary days. Everyone likes all kinds of music all the time, except for hard-core rap. Everyone wants honesty and someone with a sense of humor. Well.....duh. Not to belittle anyone here, but everyone sounds kind of the same and I KNOW we aren't all the same, right? I'm going to try to cut through what I think might be the obvious. I mean, what kind of freak doesn't like to laugh? I broke a rib once and really tried not to laugh, sneeze or cough - but that was an exception to the general "I like to laugh" rule. So...let's see. I am not shy, that's for sure. I like making friends with women in the YMCA locker room. Being semi-naked breaks down any "stranger" barriers. I talk too much when I'm nervous and will inevitably end up with my foot in my mouth. That can make it tough to get a second date. Money makes me uncomfortable and I blame it on my parents. Well, I have to blame them for something...right? I have a strong sense of what is Right and what is Wrong and I will share these thoughts often. I am an aggressive driver, but "safety first" when others are riding along. My friends describe me as funny, independent, intelligent and incredibly loyal. They would also say I have a wicked sense of style. On the flip side, they would also describe me as a grudge-holder, obsessive regarding life's injustices and easily irritated by idiots, with a wicked sense of style. Gotta take the good with the bad, folks. I don't like to ask for help and generally won't unless I'm on fire and simply cannot reach the fire extinguisher. "Excuse me, would you mind passing me that large red metal canister with the hose? My flesh is charring. Thank you ever so much!" Please don't confuse asking for help and accepting help - two different scenarios! I like to change my "look" often as I get bored with my appearance easily. That just means I might wear a bunch of makeup one day and then go without for a week. I have naturally curly hair, but will straighten it sometimes. I hate wearing the same outfit regularly. I think some people would be surprised to see me at home though. I'm generally pretty well put together when I'm out of the house. Right now I'm wearing this gray zip up fleece jacket, these bizarrely-stripy knit PJ bottoms from Old Navy and light blue fuzzy slippers with a yellow baby chick on them that reads "Chicks Rule!" I basically look like I fell out of my laundry basket. Did I mention that wicked sense of style?

I'm slow to let people in. "Love at first sight" isn't something I believe in. I do, however, believe in soul-mates and love that lasts a lifetime.

"Describe my perfect match" is not something I'm going to do here. I don't believe in a grocery list of attributes that someone must have. Honesty, loyalty, humor? I think we all want those things on a base level. I would hope that whomever my perfect match is, it's someone who clicks with me in ways we both feel are important. At this very moment, I think spirituality (not Christianity, although that can be included), political sameness, the external Right from Wrong and interest in non-mainstream art and music would be some of those things that might click. Someone who will be a guinea pig when I try to make a new dish. A person who understands that when I leave to fly around the world for a month at a time will know how much I miss them and want to come home to them, regardless of the exotic life I may appear to lead. A person who, regardless of where we might be, feels like home. All that other stuff that people write that they want is all secondary to the Big Picture. I don't want to be pigeon-holed, so I'll try to avoid doing it to total strangers reading this web page.

I have a big heart and it takes a lot to fill it up

So there were plenty of guys who sent me emails. Several were mean. Yes, mean. I had several older dudes (55+) tell me that I was a bitch and would never find anyone to date unless I changed my profile verbiage. And y'all know what happens to people who call me names.... And I actually felt a little bad blasting these dudes, some who were old enough to be my father. It was very, very weird.

So I decided after a few weeks of no dates and old mean dudes writing me evil emails to do my own hunting. You know you can search for people based on all sorts of criteria, right? Where people live, their eye color, weight, whatever list of attributes you feel you "must" have. So I'd enter a narrow little search based on where I lived and got zippo. I did this several times unsuccessfully. So one night I did a really complicated search. Like I got down to the nitty gritty - eye color, hair color, height, personality, job description, tattoos, thunderstorms - you name it, I put what I cared about in and hit the search button. And I did it nationwide. Two people came up. TWO! Some dude in California and The Candyman, right here in my own backyard. For reals, people. I read the profile of the California dude first. It was impressive, but kinda too impressive, if that makes any sense. I got to the point where I could tell when dudes were bullshitting on their profiles (did I mention I dated a lot?). Then I read The Candyman's:

Ever see This Old House? I need a girl who doesn't mind doing fix-up work. No, I'm not really that bad off. I'm just like...say a historic home...it might be a little rough around the edges and need a few repairs, but a woman of vision could make a dream home out of me. OK, I've stretched that metaphor as far as it will go.

Let's see I'm tall, thin (probably could use a few pounds) and intensely passionate about certain things (poetry, my legal work, socks should not be worn with sandals, etc). I'm polite and urbane, fairly creative and intelligent. I really do know what I want, going about getting it still eludes me.

This feels all wrong...people shouldn't describe themselves this way, it is prone to be bias and a distorted self-image. How about this? I'll describe the man I hope to become, what I aspire to be and you be the judge. I want to be the classic southern gentleman who stands for what is just and true, kinda like Gregory Peck in To Kill A Mockingbird. I want to be the man people come to when life's burdens seem too much to bear for counsel. I want to be a good lover and a poet and I want a woman who is worthy of my adoration and fidelity. I want to be the type of man who stands and fights against all odds. I want to be a good man, the best man I can be. I want to be my nieces and nephews favorite uncle. I don't want to sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff. I want to be the type of man who never stops trying to learn or improve himself. I never want to become arrogant or pretentious (but thats' not likely to happen)...how long does this have to be?

I should just cut and paste a poem and say this is what my soul looks like. Am I sounding crazy? Whatever. Anyway, I 'd like a woman who's pretty, charming, has a sweet disposition and must dig poetry (or at least be able to tolerate it). I like intelligent, strong-willed women, good conversationalists and someone who  can deal with the whole hillbilly savant thing I've got going on. 

Now, The Cadyman had like three really old, really blurry, really lame pictures up. I could tell he was blonde-ish and tall and that's about it. I took a chance and sent him an email because in reality, he had me at "Gregory Peck." I entitled it "Atticus Finch." I wrote something that smacked of smart-assery. I know it was short and direct and probably a little curt. I had a response within 24 hours and a phone number to boot.

However, I was not a quick one to woo and I made him be my pen-pal for a couple weeks. Then I called him out of the blue one evening and we (he) talked for over an hour. After a few more phone calls I agreed to a date.

We met a local brewery and had dinner. He was late (which is funny now that I think about it because he's NEVER late). His eyebrows were crazy long. He talked almost incessantly (usually my M.O.) between bites of shrimp and grits, that he stirred and stirred and stirred before finally eating. At one point he stopped mid-sentence and said, "I like the shape of your face." And then kept eating. And talking. I sat with my legs propped up in the booth, leaning to one side, mostly just watching him. He likes when I sit this way and calls it my "S-shape" and I believe he finds it seductive, both then and now. 

When we left the brewery, he walked me to my car. It was April and unseasonably cold. We were waiting to cross the street and the wind blew - cold. I immediately jumped into his jacket and tucked myself under his arm to get warm. I am not a stranger-toucher. I am not a touchy person. I think I surprised myself as much as I surprised him! It was just the natural thing to do. He walked me to my car and I offered him a ride to his since it was so cold out. When we got to his truck, he opened the door, paused and  leaned his cheek over and said, "Knock me one, girl." So I kissed him on the cheek.

I smiled all the way home. 

 

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Reader Comments (19)

Match.com mashups rule. Best $50 I ever spent.

As "non-traditional" as meeting online is (but what's traditional anyways), our "courting" was uber traditional. And I mean like, we didn't hold hands or kiss or touch WEEEEEKS into dating. I finally had enough beer in me and got so fed up that I did the damn thing and kissed him one night. And for two people who are not first move makers, that was a big deal. But I think getting to know each other email and over the phone before meeting, made us walk into the relationship a lot more carefully than our other ones. It was kind of like learning each other from the inside out. Ya know?

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

any guy who says "knock me one, girl" on is first date is a keeper!!!! Such a sweet story........

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I love love love this. Thanks for sharing!

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlazer

This made me CRY. I love this post - it's my favorite one of all time. Keith and I met online too. I had gotten out of the worst relationship of my life about 6 months prior and was just barely ready to start dating. I saw Keith's profile, which also had horrible pictures, and he sounded so sweet so I made a profile just so I could meet him. He walked me home after our first date (we lived two blocks from each other!) and said he wanted to see me again but he was SO awkward. I couldn't tell if he was being genuine (he looked more like I disgusted him - poor nervous boy), so when I got up to my apartment I called him and just said "Did you really mean that?" and he said he did and then he came back over and we spent hours sitting on my front steps talking well into the night. I don't think we ever would have met if we hadn't both been online, despite being so close. So funny. Happy 8 month-iversary! And thanks for the sweet post.

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterveronica

OMG. I love this. I loved reading this post. And your Match profiles are SOOOOOO accurate! I'm just imagining you when you read his profile and got to the Southern Gentleman and Gregory Peck parts. You must have just about DIED!

And you've been together 8 months?! Well that means that my little project that I started for you is way overdue.

*hangs head in shame*

I love you guys! And this post made me really miss you guys, too! (more than usual)

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGoodEnoughWoman

I can't get enough of your blog. I'm reading your stuff daily and think I'll keep doing so once I'm married!
Amber

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

Cute story!

My husband and I met on match.com...he loves to tell people he found the prettiest girl on the Internet and married her. I think that makes me sound porn-starish.

He claims he emailed me about 8 months prior to our meeting and I never responded (I don't remember this) but then when he saw me online again in August he emailed me once again and this time I actually responded. He said he knew he would marry me on our first date. For me it took about 2 months to figure that out. We were engaged after only 6 months and have now been together close to two years.

I'm just happy I got my money's worth out of that site ;-)

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

you have an effing awesome 'how we met' story. thanks for sharing

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDavanie

Such a sweet story! I love that you were able to wade through all the dreck on Match.com to find someone perfect for you - right in your own backyard! I did my time on Match -- and saw a lot of my male friends and co-workers on there -- but was never able to meet the right one for me.

Turns out my guy was on Match at the same time, but set his age range to exclude people of my (advanced) age. Fortunately, when we randomly met in person - in a friend's backyard - he assumed that I was a decade younger than I am, and became interested.

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWalking Barefoot

I met my sweetie on Match.com too! And it was me who was a little uneasy telling people how we met at first, but I came around when I realized we were meant to meet somehow- he went to college in the town (out of state) where I was born 23 years earlier, and we soon figured out that his best friend was two weeks from marrying one of my good friends from middle school- who woulda thunk? So we say thank goodness for the internet- and we certainly are no longer out of the norm!

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristine

Knock me one girl.

I melt.

Love.

So much better than, can I kiss you? I never would want to go on a second date with guys who said that.

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercupcake wedding

I love you guys! Seriously, best match story ever. He had ME at Gregory Peck and you my friend, are also a keeper. Many many Blessings for you both!

p.s. I wanted to write our story on the blog today, but no time!

June 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

If that's not the cutest thing I've heard, I don't know what is!

June 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHappy Nappy Bride

I have missed reading you. Just been very busy and behind in my blog catching up. This was so classically you. I love both of your dating profiles because you have strength and he has gentleness, which is lovely when we are a bit outside our typical gender characteristics. I am not sure how I will meet someone again but hopefully one day. I have this fear of dating sites and not knowing whether they murdered their ex wife with a hatchet. Like you, I need a man who can take a bit of a challenge in a woman. The line "Do you mind keeping your dick to yourself for the next four weeks" is hilarious. You really need to write a book.

June 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I'm somewhat inspired to share my own story.

After both a fizzled date and a DISASTROUS date (well, the date itself was fine, it was the aftermath; ugh, don't ask) on Cupid.com, I was ready to declare the online dating experiment as a failure and go back to the "traditional" means of dating (which, actually, was way more of a failed experiment, but that's another story!). A coworker suggested I try Match.com instead, noting that another coworker had met his wife that way. Well ...? It couldn't hurt.

It was less than a week later that I began exchanging emails with FH. Over the course of the next few days, we wrote each other what seemed like novels, about twice a day. Sitting down to write them was almost as much fun as checking my email to see his responses. We then scheduled a phone call that lasted over 7 hours.

Our first date was short - he was squeezing me in between work priorities, which I was okay with, because it seemed like it would a good test - if it was a dud, then there would be no awkwardness when we parted ways after an hour, and if it was a spark, it would make it that much more fun! Well, it was a spark. :)

The best part? We met on Match ... but we lived next door to one another. And had quite a few mutual friends.

June 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteririsira

Incredible. Sweet. Perfect and so you.

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChic 'n Cheap Living

I love it. I love your profile description. I love how you plugged in all the variables for your "perfect" guy and Candyman was one of two search results. What a fantastic story!

June 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlyn

I was on match.com for a bit pre-Philip. It was a HORRIBLE experience for me! All the guys I went on dates with were awful. Seriously. It's like they were all in it for a booty-call. If you know Krista...you know that is NOT her style. AT ALL. My cousin (and MOH) is in a serious relationship with a guy she met on eharmony. Seems like a super nice guy. Hoping I'll be helping her walk down the aisle soon. :)

I also met my husband on match.com. I was in my 6 months free, and bought the first 6 months with a coupon. Best bargain shopping ever! I loved your story - yay for match.com success stories :)

June 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

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